I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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