I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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