it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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