Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
