I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
