What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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