halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
