Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
