Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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