Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
