Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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