Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Houston, we have a blender
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
