it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
