that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
