I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
True but thats because hes a fetus.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
