I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I party with great urgency now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
