I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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