Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
