My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
