The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
