you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Drake has all the answers
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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