Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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