I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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