It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
