she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I forgot wine drunk hurts
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
