Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
