Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
