He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
