Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize