i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
