just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
