Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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