I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
