No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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