would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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