i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
