Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I love you.
Bad choice
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
