he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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