She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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