She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize