I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
