and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
