Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
