if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
