just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
