He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
