Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
