There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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