yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A bitchslap is in order.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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