:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
