eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
