I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
