I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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