Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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