sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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