"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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