I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
