nut hugger
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
