I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
