I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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