Soap is not a condiment
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize