remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
