my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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