I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
