9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
