I wish my penis had an off switch
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
