I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize