yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
