People with herpes should wear stickers.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
