I got chris browned last night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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