i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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