He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
