I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
