I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
