Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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