Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
