I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize