my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize