Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
