just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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