I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
