I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
