we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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