You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
