I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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