I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
