the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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