tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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