I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
