His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
