What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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