i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why do cheetos always look like penises
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
