I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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