Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
