So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
