oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
