I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
