I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize