Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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