I feel great
I just peed on a car
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
