Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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