You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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