Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
