I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
