y did u give ur computer a hand job?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
