I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
